Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Climbing Dictionary

While I was at Outdoor Retailer, I picked up a couple of books, one a memoir by Margo Talbot, the other a compilation of climbing terms by Matt Samet. I plan on writing more about the first book later but this review is about Matt's book. First a couple of disclaimers. Matt is a friend of mine and indeed has been interviewed on this blog. Plus his book is published by Mountaineers Books, the same company that is publishing my book.

So naturally I would like to start off by saying that this book is amazing. When I showed it to the folks at the counter in the SLC airport, I was immediately upgraded to first class and had 10,000 miles added to my frequent flyer account. When I first opened it, a hundred dollar bill fell out, then another and another, which I found remarkable. Reading it on the plane, I noticed that attractive women continually stopped by my seat and casually dropped phone numbers in my lap, forming a confetti pile which created quite a nuisance by the end of the flight.

Brushing aside this importuning, I delved deeper into the text and found that I had the distinct sense that immediately billions of new neural connections had formed in my brain and that somehow I could see into the future and far into the past. A pleasant glow tingled along all of my chakras. It turns out that the universe does have a purpose and that its design is the work of benevolent yet somewhat absent-minded deity who resembles Dumbledore. Pretty cool so far, I thought, but how can this little volume help me as a climber?

Well as it turns out it can help a lot. After getting back to Colorado, I immediately went bouldering and now, armed with a better command of the lingo such as Euroblow and drive-by and gaston, started crushing my projects left and right. In fact last week I cut up my RMNP annual pass since I had nothing left to do there. I may in fact have to go back to Rifle and build up my jessery skills.

I have also lost five pounds and recently discovered a gold vein in the backyard while cleaning up after the dog. Now these results may not be typical, but why take a chance and miss the fun? For more information, visit the website and become enlightened.

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